Strict Standards: Declaration of JFalangDatabase::getInstance() should be compatible with JDatabaseDriver::getInstance($options = Array) in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/plugins/system/falangdriver/falang_database.php on line 10 Strict Standards: Non-static method Falang::translateList() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/plugins/system/falangdriver/falang_database.php on line 329 Strict Standards: Non-static method Falang::translateListWithIDs() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_falang/helpers/falang.class.php on line 121 Strict Standards: Non-static method Falang::translateList() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/plugins/system/falangdriver/falang_database.php on line 329 Strict Standards: Non-static method Falang::translateListWithIDs() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_falang/helpers/falang.class.php on line 121 The sick note - CantaLibre - more than just folk

The sick note

Dear Sir I write this note to inform you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
I write this note to tell why Paddy's not at work today

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
And to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea
But the gaffer wasn't very pleased, he was an awful sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

Well clearing all those bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I had untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I took off like a rocket and to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder as on to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
I held on tight, though numb with shock from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half its load fourteen floors below

Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
I held on tightly to the rope as I flew to the ground
And I landed on those building bricks that were scattered all
around.

Now as I lay there on the deck I thought I'd passed the worst
But when the barrel reached the top, that's when the bottom burst
A shower of bricks came down on me, I knew I had no hope
In all of this confusion, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel being heavier, it started down once more
And landed right on top of me as I lay on the floor
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

by Pat Cooksey

Comments (0)

Leave a comment

You are commenting as guest.

Latest Events

Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::loadLanguage() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/helper.php on line 30 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 39 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEV_CommonFunctions::getJEventsViewName() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/mod_jevents_latest.php on line 18 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEV_CommonFunctions::getJEventsViewList() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/commonfunctions.php on line 33 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/mod_jevents_latest.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/mod_jevents_latest.php on line 35 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::loadLanguage() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 15 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 39 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JSite::getMenu() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/modfunctions.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/includes/application.php on line 593 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/modfunctions.php on line 123 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getItemid() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/modfunctions.php on line 200 Strict Standards: Non-static method JSite::getMenu() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 541 Strict Standards: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/includes/application.php on line 593 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 541 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 61 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 64 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEV_CommonFunctions::getJEventsViewName() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 73 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::componentStylesheet() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 77 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEV_CommonFunctions::getJEventsViewName() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 142 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/ext/latest.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getNow() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/ext/latest.php on line 29 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 184 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getNow() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 186 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 277 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 521 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 542 Strict Standards: Non-static method jevFilterProcessing::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 549 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 35 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 126 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 155 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 273 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::isEventCreator() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters/Published.php on line 45 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getAuthorisedUser() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 753 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/tables/jevuser.php on line 66 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 1568 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 753 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 756 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/helper.php on line 835 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 273 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Declaration of jevCategoryFilter::_createFilter() should be compatible with jevFilter::_createFilter($prefix = '') in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters/Category.php on line 0 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getItemid() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/datamodel.php on line 83 Strict Standards: Non-static method JSite::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/datamodel.php on line 86 Strict Standards: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/includes/application.php on line 593 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/datamodel.php on line 86 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 273 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 64 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/helpers/category.php on line 38 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 128 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters.php on line 273 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/filters/Search.php on line 25 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 553 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 64 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 64 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getNow() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 592 Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method JEventsDBModel::_cachedlistIcalEvents() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/libraries/joomla/cache/controller/callback.php on line 158 Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method JEventsDBModel::_cachedlistIcalEvents() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/libraries/joomla/cache/controller/callback.php on line 158 Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method JEventsDBModel::_cachedlistIcalEvents() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/libraries/joomla/cache/controller/callback.php on line 158 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/libraries/dbmodel.php on line 1104 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 296 Strict Standards: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 1175 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/tmpl/default/latest.php on line 1175 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/administrator/components/com_jevents/libraries/config.php on line 28 Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/router.php on line 87 Strict Standards: Non-static method JEVHelper::getNow() should not be called statically in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/components/com_jevents/router.php on line 88
No events
Strict Standards: Only variables should be assigned by reference in /var/www/webs/web4/html/canta2013/modules/mod_jevents_latest/mod_jevents_latest.php on line 55